My Faith tested....

Jesus Messiah

Name above names

Blessed redeemer

Emmanuel....

The Rescue for sinners

THe Ransom from heaven

Jesus Messiah

Lord of All!!

I wanted to share some lessons I have learned through a few trials I have walked through.  I am not going to reveal the details, but will share in a general sense. 

It is quite amazing when you think you have all the answers, you come to find that you know nothing....  You might think that all you have to do is pray enough....Tithe enough....Give offerings....do all the right things and you'll be ok.  Or what if when you look at a friend or loved one going through a trial you are quick to give them all the answers and judge in your heart to say:

 "I know what I would do if that happened to me." 

I noticed I had become a puffed up Christian in my walk and revelations of God.  But thank God.....He...the Lord of All....showed me my disgusting heart through a lesson from faith. 

I had been given the privilege to walk through something with some close friends of mine.  This trial or challenging time they faced was centered around a terminally ill child.  I, whose understanding in healing and faith was freshly revealed and new, was very passionate to lay hands on the sick and see them recover.  I felt my faith was there and with a strong leading I heard the Lord say:

"Walk this with them....take them by the hand....and pray with them." 

So as I walked and prayed with them almost daily, I came to know their hearts in a more intimate way.  My heart began to ache to see them suffering so much and I wasn't seeing any immediate results in healing.  I began to think "Hey....I know I have enough faith for this so why can't I just lay hands and them recover?" , "I know God wants this little one healed."  so then assumed "Maybe the parents just don't have enough faith, that must be it?" 

As time went on the sick child was taken off of life support and passed into eternity to be with her Lord and Father.  My heart was immediately filled with sorrow/grief and also became angry withinn my heart thinking: "This child's parents had given up!!"

I said, "I don't understand!!"  "What happened!?" 

Again, I thought..."They had given up...they had thrown in the white flag because they didn't have enough faith!!  They knew they had grown tired and didn't want to fight anymore....BUT  they should have continued to fight and not given up!!"

In my heart I thought all of this and just moved on....

A few months later, in my own personal life, I was put through a test.  It wasn't the same sort of challenge of losing a child, but a challenge of it's own.  A challenge of loss as well. 

This trial challenged my faith in ways I didn't even realize.  It challenged what I believed, the very core of my foundation....FAITH.  During this time I struggled...I cried out to the Lord....I asked "WHY".....I felt alone.....I felt I could no longer fight.  I noticed I was weak....weak....weak....

This was hard....all in me wanted to give up....I wanted to take this situation off it's own "child support"...and I didn't think this situation could be saved.  Lord I surrender....I don't have the faith to walk this out....Others were telling me to do this or that but I knew I had to do this.  I felt judged....I felt like no one understood what I was going through....I felt like I was abandoned and forsaken....I felt like even those who I loved dearly were against me and my choices.  Job came to mind....

I then heard the Lord speak to me about my friends....my friends who had a child fighting for it's life....my friends who did everything and anything possible to save their small child....my friends who I knew were tired, weak, their very own foundation was shaken...my friends who made a decision to let their child go....

He continued to say to me..."You have the grace.  You might not feel like you have enough faith but you have the grace.....I have given you the grace and I have given you a measure of faith.  This measure isn't revealed until you are in the actual battle.  No one knows how they will react or how they will respond.  Yes, it is a battle of faith, and trust.  BUT....Never think you are higher or better or know more than a brother or sister in Me.  You thought you had ALL the faith to fight THEIR battle.  But it wasn't your battle to fight.  It was their trial....their test....their experience."

Then He showed me how I had become puffed up in my revelation of faith and healing.  How I had become in a sense self righteous and judgemental. Ouch!!!

He continued to say...."You have no right to look upon a brother or sister in the faith and make a judgemental call of how they should have responded.  This was their trial...their challenge...their stuggle.  You have no idea what internal struggles they were faced with.  You have no idea how they came to Me....cried to Me....how they suffered during this dark hour.  This was their battle and no one knows what the battle is like because it is very PERSONAL.  Many think they know how they will respond during a fight....what they would do in a certain situation, but little do they know that most have no idea.  Thus Grace is the answer....and only by My grace can anyone do anything at all.  It is by My grace how they will respond.  It is by my grace how strong their faith is during a battle, trial, or struggle.

In your heart you thought you had faith....enough faith for whatever situation arises.  You think you will respond in such and such a way....But faith is a measure....and yes faith is given by grace.....Grace is where faith is birthed....Faith is PERSONAL....it is known only through revelation.....it becomes stronger by Grace alone....The grace I give.  This faith or even grace is not known UNTIL you have come to a place that it is needed.  Then come to realize that ONLY by Grace do you even have enough faith to walk out this trial.  This is why many have different results in life.

You can't judge or say that a brother or sister doesn't have a relationship with Me.  You can't say that any brother or sister is weaker.  You can't say any of it because each relationship is PERSONAL  and each one walks at a different pace and is at a different place on this road.  There is none better or worse.....I AM NOT A RESPECTOR of people, but I am a Good God...I am a lover of  souls....My heart does ache when I see my children struggle....My heart does ache to see those lose loved ones.  There is so much my children don't know or even twist a bit in ignorance.  Some things you will never know.  Continue to seek, pursue love, and love everyone.  Remembering that you are nothing without me.  Yet, you are something with me.  But with this "SOMETHING" always remembering you are no greater than anyone else.  I love everyone!  And for this WORLD....I died!!"

These are some of the words the Lord spoke to my heart to teach me about faith and a relationship with Him.  I have been brought to my knees and my eyes have been open to being more compassionate and understanding when those walk through trials.  Judgement in my heart has fled.  I was brought to my knees in humility when I realized that I am nothing! When I thought that I had all the answers....I was brought to nought to say truly "You are God and I am no one".   And if I am even able to overcome...It is ONLY by YOUR Grace....YOUR love and YOUR Mercy!

FREE IN CHRIST

Only By the Grace of God Am I something

Do you ever find yourself wondering why some things come easier to some and not to others?

Do you ever find yourself looking at someone in church and wondering:

"Why are they falling asleep while the pastor is preaching"

"Why are they not as excited about this revelation than I am"

"These people are not praying enough"

Or

"They are slipping down"

Did you think maybe they are in a different season of life?

or

At a different point on this road of Salvation?

I have asked these same questions before...

As I walk with the Lord and He leads me

I find that I am nothing

without His amazing Grace

I am nothing without His peace

and

I am nothing without His love

I am brought to my knees when I realize that I am nothing....

But then EVERYTHING with Him...

Those brothers and sisters in Christ

who might be walking at a different pace

or

facing different challenges,

are all on the very same road....

The road of Grace

Some days I feel like every revelation in God's word is illuminated

and then

There are many days when I don't even get what I just read

Why is this....?

Only by His grace.

There is nothing on earth that we gain or can do on our own

Because just as Jesus said...

John 15:15


“I am the vine, you are the branches.

He who abides in Me,

and I in him,

bears much fruit;

for without Me you can do nothing.

On a search...

There are times walking with God can be predictable

when things in life are going well

there are no serious cares

or serious decisions to make

Work is good

Home life is great

church activity can't be better

But....

What happens when it all seems to be unpredictable

You've done everything you know how to do

the natural and supernatural

but still.....a dead end

There are days when you don't even feel like moving

you feel numb inside

Like a grace has lifted....

Could God be doing something deep in your heart

to show you His next move?

You also feel a drawing away from your normal life routine

Even at church....

things just don't seem the same

You do feel like something deep is taking place

If you share with others

some might say

"get in the Word"

"pray more"

"is there sin in your life?"

"Don't be deceived"

"nope...it doesn't sound like it's God"

You know you've been seeking Him and asking Him to reveal

so what is going on?

There isn't any "great" sin you've found

(everyone sins daily)

This pulling away is so heavy

so great

But you know your are not being pulled from the Father

because He is here...

He is there....

He is in you....

So what is it?

Moses ran away from the "world" he know

Yes he did run in sin

but in the midst of this running...

He encountered the LIVING GOD!

So wherever you go...

even if you don't completely understand what you are feeling deep inside

God knows...

He knows exactly what you are going through

He knows exactly what you are feeling

He knows exactly where you are going

Or where He is taking you

Lean not on your own understanding

But on His alone.

Continue to seek to know where He is leading

and rest in this...

Shalom!

Stripped of Religion

Matthew 23:25-28

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!
For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish,
but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence.
Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!
For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.
Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

I recently had a debate with a very religious, "holier than thou" individual. This individual was very irate by the fact I would enjoy a glass of wine with a few friends, saying it was ungodly and very sinful to live such a lifestyle. This person proceeded to inform me that the bible was very "clear" about wine and drinking.

There are many doctrines regarding drinking wine, if it's lawful or unlawful or if Jesus even drank wine. As our "debate" continued, I reminded this "theologian" that Jesus turned water into wine and the guest at the party were so amazed by how wonderful this wine tasted saying He had saved the best for the latter part of the celebration. The individual I was debating rose with a bitter heart and clearly said "It so obvious YOU don't even understand the bible and it wasn't wine but grape juice!!"

Now come on...how ridiculous can you be to believe this nonsense. The middle eastern culture is quite aware of what "good wine" is. They have been drinking it for many many years...

The problem I had with this individual was how proud they came with their words, and their rules, laws, doctrines saying I had "no clue" about the bible and what sort of Christian was I. This is an example of being filled with "religious" doctrine. A doctrine which makes them miserable.

I clearly saw something I never want to become...a hateful religious person. I never want to constantly be looking at the outward appearance to prove to myself I am "living righteous".

These religious spirits are out there doing damage to the Kingdom of God. They aren't bringing people to freedom in a relationship with the Lord but to a bondage they never intended to sign up for or will never desire to sign up for.

So how can we in this world become people of truth and not judgment. Lets leave the judgments to the Father Himself.

On a side note:... I don't condone a drunkard lifestyle. I believe drinking a glass of wine on occasion or with communion is perfectly fine. Or maybe you like a glass of wine daily with dinner.....that's between you and the Lord. I am a believer that the Lord is big enough to speak to our own hearts regarding sin. We don't need those religious folk breathing down our wine glasses telling us that it is sin. Let the Lord alone convict! The more we seek, knock, find, and desire the Word then we will know right from wrong.

Love sets free...the Law kills

Before becoming a Christian I was BAD. I partied, cussed, slept around, did my share of drugs, what didn't I do? I didn't know right from wrong. I thought my wrong was ok and I didn't need anyone to tell me what to do! Especially the BIBLE.

But once the Lord got a hold of my spirit and changed me forever, I made a huge transformation. I was now a born again religious person. A person who did good in front of others and tried my best to follow the laws of the Lord. If I saw people around me not living right, my heart would become haughty and puffed up with "self righteousness" and say to myself "Boy, oh boy, they need the Lord". I would think my hardest on how to approach them and "bring the gospel" and when I failed or they didn't drop to their knees in repentance, I quickly thought "poor sinners, they just don't know what they are missing".

I would do the same with brothers and sisters in Christ: I would look "down" on them thinking they must have a very shallow relationship with the Lord because they were still saying a few cuss words or drinking wine, beer, or what have you. Didn't they understand that this is sin? Don't they read the bible?

Lately, the Lord Himself has been showing my disgusting heart of judgement. I am proud. I am not humble and I am just the same as those "sinners". I have no right to look down on anyone. I am not in their hearts or minds and I am not the Lord. But...but...but....

Yes, many buts. I need to keep my mouth closed about others around me. We, as Christians first need to walk in love and forgiveness and when we walk in this, the Lord will convict those around beginning in our own hearts. Our own judgmental words can push someone away from the Lord rather than bring them closer....this isn't what God desires.

Love sets free, but the Law kills.

Stress and Anger....stop and reflect

Why be so stressed?

Why be so angry?

Live your life like you have never lived before

The Lord has given you

dreams

visions

desires...

Take the time

to enjoy this

life you

have

delight

in the little

things

that pass

you by...

Look in the mirror

and observe

the face

that reflects

a beauty

so amazing

you can't contain

you say

'WHAT BEAUTY'

but stop

and really

look

at this face

staring

back at you

what is there

to be excited about

this face

is the face the Father

loves so....

A face that

HE

created....

Look at your hands

your dog

your flowers

your child

your spouse

look at them.....

What do you see?

Do you see something

amazing

incredible

beauty

LIFE...

enjoy every

moment

and be thankful

for this life you have been given

TODAY!!

For the Oppressed, Depressed, Hopeless

"Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise," says the LORD.

"I will protect them from those who malign them."

Psalm 12:5

In the secret place

He waits

for those who hunger and thirst

He waits

for those

who are needy

downcast...

Who are oppressed

Come to Him you who are

weary

poor

depressed

lost

empty

hopeless

Come and be filled by the

Most High

Come sit at His

banqueting table

and delight in His

presence

He will wash you white as snow

When He sees you

His face shines

Because

HE sees

HIS beloved SON

in you

He loves

comforts

mends

gives

embraces

kisses

delights in you who comes

to Him
even with your flaws

Even if you have been

a "christian"

all your days

He will repair you

WE are perfected in His image

in

His image alone

Don't run away

from the one

who mends

and quiets your soul

Who will

never

REJECT

you his child

He says:

Why are you so d0wncast oh my soul...

my child?

Let me repair and heal

your wounds

Can

money

husband

wife

children

riches

fame

family

homes

friends

things

or even church

MEND

HEAL

REPAIR?

I will never push you away

reject you

hurt you

destroy you

I am your

ALPHA

and

OMEGA

your beginning
and
your end

Delight in ME!