Friday, September 17, 2010

I have left...

I have left!!  

I have gone!!  

I am soaring and it feels so free.

I feel like I can find the person that God is wanting to build in me.  

The person I am suppose to be.

I do feel free.  

There is a smile on my face and a joy in my heart.

I haven't been this excited about my situation in a very long time.  

So here I am walking this peaceful path. 

Some might see it as something to be pitied.  

But I don't see it at all like this. 

It is actually a marvelous thing!  

I really didn't think this would happen but I knew that the road I was on was difficult.  

I know you are all wondering what this may be. 

All I can say is that it revolves around my financial status.

Financially speaking life has been a bit difficult.  But who's hasn't right?  

Today I received a phone call of something that might help my situation out a bit.  
How did I respond?  I was ANGRY!  
I really don't know. 

I've been in discussion with the Lord and asking Him "Why am I so upset about this so called "blessing" appearing out of the blue. 

I really thought that I was free to fly and to soar without anything or anybody interfering.  
I feel like now I am back to a place I don't want to be. 
The place I was wanting to disconnect from because truly I felt no connection. 

But it is making a way back. 
Do I want to go back?  
I really don't.  

I have discussed this with the Lord and I am still yet to hear what His plan for this retreat means. 
I was ready to go...go...go! 
But now....  now this!  
I can't explain exactly how and what I feel.
It's just....I don't want to go back. 
I want to go forward....explore....find my next next path!

  Can you sense the frustration in my spirit. 
What is it Lord?
  All I can do is lay it at His feet and live day by day.

That is all I can do.  

I will continue to have my discussion with my Lord and I know He will answer in His own timing.  
But to feel comforted right now, all I have to do is not worry and live it out day by day. heart is longing for a new life for the next thing.  
Could this be a hindrance or a distraction from the greater purpose? 
Or is it truly God bringing me back.  
We will see....

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Going Where God is Leading....

I am sitting at my computer not sure what to write. 

I feel something in my spirit....something stirring...almost bringing tears into my eyes...

I "feel" something in a distant land...

A land where there is no modern technology like we have in America

A land where the poor in America are "rich".

A land where children run barefeet. 

A land where it isn't rare to find a five year old walk up to you and ask for a coin.

A land where life is hard. 

Then....I look at my life. 

When I think it's hard.......I AM BLESSED!

What is wrong with my life....??

I don't need to complain about anything, but only be thankful for the abundance of my life. 

I don't have much compared to many I know....

At times I've had to wait for the Lord to bring food....

And He never fails to drop some of the abundance off at my door step.  

I pick it up and say....THANK YOU!

Then I have lived abundantly....where there was no need....

I found that during those times...I was thankful but yet I was still complaining..

I didn't consider the little blessings that the Lord was bringing or even the bigger blessings...

I was quick to look for what I didn't have. 

Boy....what selfishness I disgusting...

I'm so thankful for what I have gone through to see that life doesn't really matter unless the Grace of God is alive!

The Grace of God that is by what I live and breathe.  The Grace of God is so precious and so real. 

Then I feel the desire to walk a land that I have never live in a land that delights in the little things...

To live in a place in my heart where I delight in the have compassion on the poor....the downcast. 

Deep in my heart there is a cry....a stirring...

 I can't comprehend this feeling but there's something there....

I am still waiting to hear the next word to go...walk where God is leading.

I may have to leave my friends....I may have to leave what I have known....I may have to spread my wings

I might just have to........go!