Friday, September 17, 2010

I have left...

I have left!!  

I have gone!!  

I am soaring and it feels so free.

I feel like I can find the person that God is wanting to build in me.  

The person I am suppose to be.

I do feel free.  

There is a smile on my face and a joy in my heart.

I haven't been this excited about my situation in a very long time.  

So here I am walking this peaceful path. 

Some might see it as something to be pitied.  

But I don't see it at all like this. 

It is actually a marvelous thing!  

I really didn't think this would happen but I knew that the road I was on was difficult.  

I know you are all wondering what this may be. 

All I can say is that it revolves around my financial status.

Financially speaking life has been a bit difficult.  But who's hasn't right?  

Today I received a phone call of something that might help my situation out a bit.  
How did I respond?  I was ANGRY!  
I really don't know. 

I've been in discussion with the Lord and asking Him "Why am I so upset about this so called "blessing" appearing out of the blue. 

I really thought that I was free to fly and to soar without anything or anybody interfering.  
I feel like now I am back to a place I don't want to be. 
The place I was wanting to disconnect from because truly I felt no connection. 

But it is making a way back. 
Do I want to go back?  
I really don't.  

I have discussed this with the Lord and I am still yet to hear what His plan for this retreat means. 
I was ready to go...go...go! 
But now....  now this!  
I can't explain exactly how and what I feel.
It's just....I don't want to go back. 
I want to go forward....explore....find my next next path!

  Can you sense the frustration in my spirit. 
What is it Lord?
  All I can do is lay it at His feet and live day by day.

That is all I can do.  

I will continue to have my discussion with my Lord and I know He will answer in His own timing.  
But to feel comforted right now, all I have to do is not worry and live it out day by day. heart is longing for a new life for the next thing.  
Could this be a hindrance or a distraction from the greater purpose? 
Or is it truly God bringing me back.  
We will see....

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