Sunday, July 25, 2010

My Faith tested....

Jesus Messiah
Name above names
Blessed redeemer
The Rescue for sinners
THe Ransom from heaven
Jesus Messiah
Lord of All!!

I wanted to share some lessons I have learned through a few trials I have walked through.  I am not going to reveal the details, but will share in a general sense. 

It is quite amazing when you think you have all the answers, you come to find that you know nothing....  You might think that all you have to do is pray enough....Tithe enough....Give all the right things and you'll be ok.  Or what if when you look at a friend or loved one going through a trial you are quick to give them all the answers and judge in your heart to say:

 "I know what I would do if that happened to me." 

I noticed I had become a puffed up Christian in my walk and revelations of God.  But thank God.....He...the Lord of All....showed me my disgusting heart through a lesson from faith. 

I had been given the privilege to walk through something with some close friends of mine.  This trial or challenging time they faced was centered around a terminally ill child.  I, whose understanding in healing and faith was freshly revealed and new, was very passionate to lay hands on the sick and see them recover.  I felt my faith was there and with a strong leading I heard the Lord say:

"Walk this with them....take them by the hand....and pray with them." 

So as I walked and prayed with them almost daily, I came to know their hearts in a more intimate way.  My heart began to ache to see them suffering so much and I wasn't seeing any immediate results in healing.  I began to think "Hey....I know I have enough faith for this so why can't I just lay hands and them recover?" , "I know God wants this little one healed."  so then assumed "Maybe the parents just don't have enough faith, that must be it?" 

As time went on the sick child was taken off of life support and passed into eternity to be with her Lord and Father.  My heart was immediately filled with sorrow/grief and also became angry withinn my heart thinking: "This child's parents had given up!!"

I said, "I don't understand!!"  "What happened!?" 

Again, I thought..."They had given up...they had thrown in the white flag because they didn't have enough faith!!  They knew they had grown tired and didn't want to fight anymore....BUT  they should have continued to fight and not given up!!"

In my heart I thought all of this and just moved on....

A few months later, in my own personal life, I was put through a test.  It wasn't the same sort of challenge of losing a child, but a challenge of it's own.  A challenge of loss as well. 

This trial challenged my faith in ways I didn't even realize.  It challenged what I believed, the very core of my foundation....FAITH.  During this time I struggled...I cried out to the Lord....I asked "WHY".....I felt alone.....I felt I could no longer fight.  I noticed I was weak....weak....weak....

This was hard....all in me wanted to give up....I wanted to take this situation off it's own "child support"...and I didn't think this situation could be saved.  Lord I surrender....I don't have the faith to walk this out....Others were telling me to do this or that but I knew I had to do this.  I felt judged....I felt like no one understood what I was going through....I felt like I was abandoned and forsaken....I felt like even those who I loved dearly were against me and my choices.  Job came to mind....

I then heard the Lord speak to me about my friends who had a child fighting for it's friends who did everything and anything possible to save their small friends who I knew were tired, weak, their very own foundation was friends who made a decision to let their child go....

He continued to say to me..."You have the grace.  You might not feel like you have enough faith but you have the grace.....I have given you the grace and I have given you a measure of faith.  This measure isn't revealed until you are in the actual battle.  No one knows how they will react or how they will respond.  Yes, it is a battle of faith, and trust.  BUT....Never think you are higher or better or know more than a brother or sister in Me.  You thought you had ALL the faith to fight THEIR battle.  But it wasn't your battle to fight.  It was their trial....their test....their experience."

Then He showed me how I had become puffed up in my revelation of faith and healing.  How I had become in a sense self righteous and judgemental. Ouch!!!

He continued to say...."You have no right to look upon a brother or sister in the faith and make a judgemental call of how they should have responded.  This was their trial...their challenge...their stuggle.  You have no idea what internal struggles they were faced with.  You have no idea how they came to Me....cried to they suffered during this dark hour.  This was their battle and no one knows what the battle is like because it is very PERSONAL.  Many think they know how they will respond during a fight....what they would do in a certain situation, but little do they know that most have no idea.  Thus Grace is the answer....and only by My grace can anyone do anything at all.  It is by My grace how they will respond.  It is by my grace how strong their faith is during a battle, trial, or struggle.

In your heart you thought you had faith....enough faith for whatever situation arises.  You think you will respond in such and such a way....But faith is a measure....and yes faith is given by grace.....Grace is where faith is birthed....Faith is is known only through becomes stronger by Grace alone....The grace I give.  This faith or even grace is not known UNTIL you have come to a place that it is needed.  Then come to realize that ONLY by Grace do you even have enough faith to walk out this trial.  This is why many have different results in life.

You can't judge or say that a brother or sister doesn't have a relationship with Me.  You can't say that any brother or sister is weaker.  You can't say any of it because each relationship is PERSONAL  and each one walks at a different pace and is at a different place on this road.  There is none better or worse.....I AM NOT A RESPECTOR of people, but I am a Good God...I am a lover of  souls....My heart does ache when I see my children struggle....My heart does ache to see those lose loved ones.  There is so much my children don't know or even twist a bit in ignorance.  Some things you will never know.  Continue to seek, pursue love, and love everyone.  Remembering that you are nothing without me.  Yet, you are something with me.  But with this "SOMETHING" always remembering you are no greater than anyone else.  I love everyone!  And for this WORLD....I died!!"

These are some of the words the Lord spoke to my heart to teach me about faith and a relationship with Him.  I have been brought to my knees and my eyes have been open to being more compassionate and understanding when those walk through trials.  Judgement in my heart has fled.  I was brought to my knees in humility when I realized that I am nothing! When I thought that I had all the answers....I was brought to nought to say truly "You are God and I am no one".   And if I am even able to overcome...It is ONLY by YOUR Grace....YOUR love and YOUR Mercy!


No comments: